Thinking today about my genealogy "The Larger Picture".

Thinking today about my genealogy "The Larger Picture".

I got to thinking about my Great x3 Grandfather; who l recently discovered was a large part of my city's history.

I used to think that l would be happy, just coasting through life, taking care of myself. I never wanted to own any thing, as long as I could just "get through life".

My family really didn't have much while I was growing up, we were poor. We lived in a home without a telephone or cable in the 80's, when no one else we knew was without. It wasn't unheard of for our home to be without power or have to deal with a limiter on our power meter- if the man from the power company felt compassionate enough. (A limiter basically allowed us to have lights, run the furnace and use of much more would trip our electricity breaker. We would have to unplug all out electrical items and go outside to restart it. For example, we couldn't use the microwave and washing machine at the same time.) We showered in candle light, as our bathroom had no window to let in the light from outside. We heated our home with the heat from our gas oven. Our house was the only house left on the block with a gravel driveway, and our parents parked on our lawn most of the time anyway.

I used to look at the things our family owned as like they were garbage, just junk that my family had held on to. Now that I am aware of the impact that my Great's Grand father x3 had on the entire city I live in, I look at the "fake gemstone" brooch that I have in my "junk", and it means a bit more to me. The dirty old makeup powder compact I have with a picture of British Royalty on it means a bit more to me, knowing there is a school named after one of my ancestors in England. More importantly, how l will impact my future generations of descendants through my family tree is on my mind.

Who l am has changed, and who I want to be has changed. It feels like a larger state of an existential crisis. I think that I have made a shift in this perspective and I feel compelled to share my story. If anything, helping future generations of my descendant "Momsters" get through the challenges faced with "feminism" (for lack of a more fitting term right now). Quite honestly, whether research wants to look at this or not, what it takes to make a home and grow a family as "the times" change, is something that I want to instill in generations to come.

I am by no means perfect and I am the first person that will tell you that everybody is different. I know that what works for one person will not always work for the next. However, creating a "culture" in a family that will impact our generations to come will mean something to someone one day.

There are no books to help with being a mother. Well there may be, but lets go back to the theory I have that "everyone is different". How do we even know where to begin? With my general life experience and somewhat varied and limited education experience - I figure that if I can "journal it out" in a blog where these thoughts and records of trial (and likely error) can be recorded; then maybe a dependent of mine, at the least, will be able to help themselves later. Maybe what I write can help more than my descendants, who knows.

At the very very least, maybe I can improve my writing!