What does our life really cost us?

Today I drove my fiancé to the airport to see him off to work. I have done this before, quite often actually, but today was definitely harder than normal. 

We have been trying to get our lives in order, and for the first time in my life, that meant getting on the same page financially.

My fiancé and I have lived our lives in very different types of financial struggles. He has always worked out of town making a decent income, but struggled to use his money for anything but upgrading his lifestyle. I was a single mom, struggling to balance my time between my kids and my job. When we came together, money changed from a stress relief or a source of happiness, to something we no longer needed in order to make us happy. It became a tool. When money becomes a tool, it changes how you live your life.

My fiancé and I had a hard look at our lives and realized we were surrounded by expensive toys, the "needs" in life to be happy. Our luxury lifestyle is why he was leaving again for work, and it broke my heart watching him leave. "One more shitty year" is what we have been saying for the last year already, and it was what we said again today. 

It is hard having a partner who works in the pipeline industry. People look at our situation and think we have our crap together, but they get to go to bed with their partners at the end of the day and spend birthdays and anniversaries together. Also, more money = more problems. Guess what, when you earn more, you can spend more. By spend more, I mean have more credit and therefore more debt. Well if we have more debt, we better get working.... and the cycle continues. 

That is exactly where we found ourselves a year ago. We decided to budget and do a food plan together during one of my fiancé's work lows. The food planning went so well, we decided to sit down to crunch our full household budget. It was bad, really bad. Bad to the point that I realized his livelihood is the only thing between us and the curb. Also, if he ever got sick, I would never be able to pay the bills. He would be sick and have the added stress of us losing everything. If we kept everything the way it was, we would need to have him working all year long, but in his industry that means him gone all year long. I didn't want to live a life like this. Not only is it stressful, but I want to live my life with my best friend, not waiting for him to come home for the month a year that our lifestyle could permit (that is the total time accumulated through the last year). 

What's the point of having a huge truck if he is never there to drive it. What's the point of a huge trailer when it costs him another month of time away - he is also the only one using it and is only using it for work. What's the point of a hot tub or a "luxury house" if he is never there to enjoy it. The king bed he never sleeps in and the soaker tub in our ensuite he is never around to use. 

One thing my modest and poor life gave me, was time with my family. I had no extra money to have a trailer, so we camped in a tent. We didn't go to movies, we went to the park. I didn't have a new car, but when people bumped (aka an accident) into me, I was happy to tell them "no big deal". Also, yes, I always packed all our camping gear into the car with us and made it happen. My kids will never forget these things. We frequented the pool with our discount cards, went to the free family barbeques, and did lemonade stands so they could have money for slushes. 

This year, I knew we could do better and my fiancé knew it too. If we had to compromise our time with each other, then we had to make it worth it and end the cycle of debt. By ending this cycle, we would regain control of our time. 

My fiancé came across a "Dave Ramsay" podcast last year that he could play through the stereo on his brand new truck. At first I was a bit resilient, okay maybe a lot. I know what budgeting is! I was poor and had to keep feeding and providing for my kids while poor! What could Dave Ramsay tell me that life couldn't? I felt like we were not on the same page with money, partly because he was never home to see why we had the expenses we did. I certainly didn't think this book would help. Also, the way he went on about Dave Ramsay... well, it felt like a cult. I eventually got my fiancé to shut up about it, by suggesting we purchase and listen to the audio book while moving his trailer for work (2 days of driving). 

We finished the audio book in 5 hours-ish. To sum it up, it changed us. It leveled out his resilience, and my own. By leveling out our resistance, I mean that it helped us address our own concerns while working together to create a plan that suited "us". I won't preach, but I also have to give credit where credit is due, so here is the link to the Dave Ramsay page for more information: https://www.daveramsey.com/ (I do not get paid for you to follow this link and do not profit or receive money from Dave Ramsay or any affiliates.). 

After Christmas this last year, we sat down to do the budget like we did last year around this time. With the last year on our minds and the next year in our planning, my fiancé finally decided to put his truck up for sale. Ladies, this is love. My fiancé sold his gorgeous overly priced truck to end our cycle of wasted money and time. By selling our ridiculously priced truck and following our own version of Dave Ramsay's advice (the part that resonated with us), we paid down over 50% of our debt load in the last year. 

You can't know what it is like to give up time with a loved one for objects or a lifestyle until you have had to. So I ask, what does our life really cost us? Well I guess the answer is, it costs us what we let it cost us. I can tell you right now, that if a lifestyle is costing us time, we will be making it worth it. This year we decided that we have another "one more shitty year". This year we are planning to live poorly to reap the reward of time. 

I cried on the way to the airport and the whole way home. I even cried while I wrote this to share with you. To all the wives or mom's who feel the struggle, you are not alone! 

#onemoreshittyyear